UPFRONT DISCLAIMER: Kevin Knebl is not a psychologist.  The information in this post is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.  This information is provided for your general information only.  Kevin Knebl does not give medical or psychological advice or engage in the practice of psychology or medicine.  Kevin Knebl under no circumstances recommends particular treatment for specific individuals and in all cases recommends that you consult your physician or local treatment center before pursuing any course of treatment.

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s talk.  We all do certain things on a daily basis that enable us to make a living and enjoy our lives.  There are also many things that we do on a daily basis that may not be serving us very well.  Let’s talk about these unproductive things briefly in the hope of reducing them and thereby increasing our “like-ability” which always leads to our profitability. 

I don’t have any letters after my name and I don’t claim to be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned over time it’s that little things are usually indicators of bigger things.  Like when you were a kid and you asked your parents where babies came from.  Them dancing around an answer was an indication of a bigger thing.  Like when you ask your spouse if this outfit makes you look fat and they answer with hesitancy and a bit of an odd tone in their voice.  That’s an indicator of a bigger thing.  Maybe a lot bigger thing.

We are all busy people running Mach 5 with our receding hairlines on fire.  But that’s no excuse for not returning phone calls and email in a timely fashion.  “But Kev, you don’t know how busy I am.”  No, I don’t.  But I do know that when I feel like I’m being avoided or not given the respect of a reply, it’s not going to help you develop a Know, Like, Trust relationship with me.  And it’s just common courtesy to return calls and email.  And we also know that common courtesy isn’t common.  But for people who exercise common courtesy, great things happen.

When we fail to do the little things like returning a call, replying to an email, sending a card after a meeting, saying thank you for a referral, and many other things we are sending a message.  And unfortunately, the message is often that if we can’t handle the little things there’s no way we’ll be able to handle the bigger things.  And therefore the bigger things have a way of not showing up in our lives.  You can generally tell how someone does things by just watching what they do.  We are way, way more consistent in our actions than most of us realize.

I once heard someone say that the way you do anything is the way you do everything.  Don’t dismiss that too quickly.  It makes a lot of sense.  People are not usually meticulous in one area and a complete slob in other areas.  There are of course, exceptions to this, but look at yourself.  I’m betting there are patterns in your life.  I know sure as heck that there are in mine.  Some are good and some are not so good.

I learned a long time ago that when wealthy people meet someone they look at the details that a lot of other people don’t look at.  They look at the other person’s fingernails and shoes.  Really?  Really.  They’re looking for attention to detail.  Are they clean and polished?  Little things are indicators of bigger things.  The next time you’re with someone who you consider to be successful, ask them what they notice first when they meet a person.  I’m guessing that in some way it will relate to details.  Appearance.  Eye contact.  Tone of voice.  Listening skills.  Things that the average person never even considers. 

So, realize that huge doors of opportunity swing on little, tiny hinges.  Be faithful in the little things and the bigger things will come.  How do I know this so well?  Because I screw up the little things all the time.  Just not as badly as I used to.  Most fish have no idea they’re wet.  Perform a quick assessment of yourself from time to time.  Are you handling the little things professionally?  Get those little things done correctly and you’ll come to realize that they weren’t little things.  They were big things that just looked like little things.

All things being equal, people do business with and refer business to people they know, like, and trust.  True as gravity.  Always has been and always will be.  We know this intuitively and yet so few people take the time to increase their “Like-Ability Factor.”  I think that people would invest the time to increase their Like-Ability Factor if they knew the returns that it would provide them.

Our likeability isn’t about insincerity or manipulation.  At least not the way that most people think about manipulation.  Actually, if you look up manipulation in the dictionary, it means “to handle skillfully.”  I’m guessing that most people would love to be handled skillfully instead of treated poorly.  It’s a no-brainer.

We are programmed to think that the more degrees we have and the higher up the ladder we climb the better off we are.  I don’t know that that’s accurate.  Our likeability probably has more to do with our success than how many letters come after our name.  We all know people who are bright off the charts but if we see them coming down the hall, we’ll duck into the bathroom or an alley.  This speaks volumes about those folks.

Learning how to increase our “Like-Ability” is a life-long endeavor.  But the good news is that there isn’t a lot of heavy lifting.  We just need to open our eyes to reality.  The reality is that we tend to do business with, be interested in and want to spend time with people we like.  The fish doesn’t know that it’s wet.  We tend not to think about things like likeability.  It may serve us well to observe the obvious.  There’s a reason why the obvious is obvious.  The challenge is that we take things for granted and tend not to notice the things that are right in front of us.

Your “Like-Ability” or your ability to like people and be liked in return has an effect on every area of your life.  This is a two-way street.  People tend to like us when we like them.  Isn’t it funny that we have to point this out?  It’s so obvious to children and yet as we get older we forget this.  Remember that people can appear to be very complicated, but in reality we’re all pretty similar.  We all want be appreciated, respected, approved of and noticed.  Increasing your “Like-Ability Factor” will be one of the best investments of your life.

When we are kids we tend to have a vibrant appreciation of life.  Sometime between being a kid and being an adult that sense of wonderment gets stifled for most people.  That’s unfortunate, since adults are just kids with long, hairy legs. 

What does this have to do with networking or business?  A lot, actually.  All things being equal, people do business with and refer business to people they know, like and trust.  One of the key words in that statement is “like.”  People like people who take a sincere interest in them.  People like people who are happy.  People like people who bring joy to other people.  People like people who are likeable.  Notice that’s “like-able”.

When we’re enthusiastic, others tend to become enthusiastic also.  Enthusiasm actually means, “God within”.  But we’ll leave that for another post.  Act enthusiastic, be enthusiastic.  I’m not talking about bouncing off the walls like some kind of nut.  I’m suggesting that when you’re dealing with people whether at a networking event, in a business meeting or talking to the person behind the counter at 7-11, kick it up a notch.  Like Emeril says, “Bam!”

We’ve all met the walking dead.  The folks who look like they’ve been sucking on a lemon all day.  What kind of appreciation or interest do you think they’re attracting?  They’re actually attracting more of the same to themselves and they wonder why life is dull.  They’re getting what they project.  Don’t do that.  Project enthusiasm for life and people and life and people will project enthusiasm for you. 

Being professional and having an enthusiastic appreciation for life are not mutually exclusive.  They go together hand in hand.  We just forget that a lot of the time.  Maintain the sense of wonderment and appreciation of life and people and your business and personal life will experience huge shifts toward success.  Give it a try.  What do you have to lose?

Learning to develop an appreciative attitude and expressing appreciation is a very important life skill. Being appreciative shows that we have an attitude of gratitude. In today’s busy world we sometimes forget how much we can be appreciative of.  All we have to do is open our eyes to all the blessings that surround us.  We’re mosquitoes in a nudist colony of abundance.

When we don’t appreciate the blessings in our lives we probably have also forgotten some of the interpersonal niceties that make life easier.  Things like saying please and thank you.  As simplistic as it may sound, these simple words can work wonders in our lives.  Our parents taught us these things for a reason.  They’re a form of politeness and also a way to attract things into our lives.

We get what we give.  So when we are appreciative of other people they are appreciative of us.  You may be thinking “How naïve. People aren’t that nice.”  Yes they are.  Unless you’re dealing with Hannibal Lechter or Attila the Hun.  And in that case, run. 

Not saying thank you does more damage than actually saying thank you does good.  It shows the other person that you’re not appreciative and they will probably feel hurt although they may not say it.  And when they feel hurt, they probably won’t be doing much to help you.  So actually, showing appreciation serves you just as well as the person to whom you express appreciation.

Think about some folks that have added value to your life.  Let them know.  When it comes to gratitude, late is much, much better than never.  Say thank you as frequently as you can.  Show appreciation when people least expect it.  It’s unexpected gratitude that sets you apart as an extraordinary human being. And the only difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little “extra.”

In business as in personal life we know that we should stay in touch with people.  The old saying “Out of sight, out of mind” is really true.  That’s why it’s an old saying.  We do forget about people that we don’t see or hear from frequently.  In a more and more hyper-competitive, over-caffeinated, Crackberry, 24/7/365 world it’s easy to lose touch with people and most people do. 

Many people are looking for ways to keep their name or their company’s name in front of people.  My simple philosophy on this is “Be a friend.”  Now before you think this is some starry-eyed, kumbaya, group hug post let me point out something.  For the seriously jaded folks that think “we just have to keep pitching our product or services all the time”…how’s that working out?  I’m guessing not so good.  What’s that definition of insanity again?  “Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.”  There’s a simple way to test this.  How much repeat business are you doing with your customers and how many referrals are you receiving from your customers? 

Friends stay in touch with friends.  Hence the term “friend.”  Businesses that convert customers to friends have a huge advantage over businesses that just have customers.  Friends take a few extra seconds to do things that non-friends don’t do.  Like taking a sincere interest in people.  Like remembering people’s birthdays.  Like remembering kids’ names.  Like sharing information with people that you know they will appreciate. 

Dale Carnegie said a long time ago, “You can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”  It was true in the 1930’s and it’s still true now.  If the world is still around in 1000 years it will be true then also.  That’s why it’s a principle.  Not a “technique-of-the-month.”

Invest time in learning about the people you business with.  Take a few extra seconds to ask about them about their lives.  You may learn something important to them.  And then figure out ways to add value to them.  Only every day.  Make it a goal to add unexpected value to at least three people a day.  And then up it to ten.  “But, Kev.  I don’t have time to do that.”  Everyone has 86,4000 seconds in their day.  Some people invest all of their seconds in themselves and the more successful  people invest some of them in others. 

Make friends.  Realize that strangers are just friends you haven’t met yet.  The world is full of your friends.  What are you waiting for?  Smile, extend your hand in friendship and let people know that you appreciate them.  Don’t just tell them, show them.  Do the things that friends do.  If you don’t, how will they know that they’re your friend and not just your customer?

There’s a saying that many sales trainers use quite frequently which is, “Always be closing.”  If we’re “always closing” then the people we do business with will always feel pressure.  Most people don’t like pressure and don’t want to “be closed.”  Most of us want to be relaxed and comfortable in buying situations.  And, quite frankly, in all situations.

I prefer the term, “Always be connecting.”  Knowing that all things being equal, people do business with and refer business to people they know, like and trust…connecting is a far better strategy than closing.  And I’m hesitant to even use the term strategy.  That sounds too “M.B.A.” to me.  If friendship is a strategy than I guess I’m a strategist.  I prefer to think I’m just a friend.

As we take a sincere interest in other people, good things start to show up.  Good things like job opportunities, referrals, clients, joy, and peace of mind. etc.  This is the natural byproduct of relationships.  Unless we’re Tom Hanks living on an island with a volleyball named Wilson learning to connect may well be the most important life-skill we ever learn.

Invest the time in learning about people.  Learn their likes, dislikes, passions, kid’s names and anything else that shows that you are sincerely interested in them as people.  I said “as people”, not “as prospects.”  Never pass up any opportunity to make something personal.  Connect with people.  Instead of closing sales, open relationships.