As people are trying to gain more visibility through Social Media, a question I often hear is “How do I get more connections on LinkedIn, likes on Facebook and followers on Twitter?”

I think the problem lies in their question. The question they should be asking is “How do I earn more connections, likes, and followers?”

I can show you how to get a lot of followers very quickly. And you’ll lose them just as quickly. Almost as quickly as you’ll lose your credibility.

Success isn’t something you get. It’s something you earn.

First: add massive value. Second: add massive value. Third: add massive value. Guess what fourth is.

While everyone else is trying to get, invest your time in earning your connections, likes and followers. When you earn them they won’t leave. When you earn them, they want to do business with you. When you earn them, you have relationships. And that’s the holy grail.

No matter how sophisticated technology becomes, success will always come down to the ability to consistently serve and add value to people.

One of the best pieces of advice I ever got from a wise guy (not to be confused with the Jersey-type of wise guy) is to sit down for an hour in the morning with a legal pad and pen and write down as many ways as you can think of that you can possibly add more value to your clients, customers, boss, company, referral sources and networking partners.

This is not an easy thing to do on a consistent basis. Most of the ideas will be thrown out but you will uncover some gems. When you do, implement them. There’s gold in them thar hills.

Edison said that 2% of the people think, 3% think they think, and 95% would rather die than think. He was right. Very few people seriously think on a consistent basis. And it shows.

If an hour is too much for you right out of the gate, start with 20 minutes on a daily basis seriously thinking about how you can add more value. It’ll change your business and your life.

We have almost unlimited ways to connect with each other. When you meet someone either personally or professionally do you look to connect with them on LinkedIn, Facebook and Twitter? I do.

It’s a good habit to start. Then after you connect online, offer to help them in some way. Without an agenda. And not so they can owe you.

There are a lot of people who are out of work for long periods of time, tolerating jobs that they hate, dealing with clients they’d love to fire, and a hundred others types of soul-sucking torture.

The reason they’re living in this situation has nothing to do with the economy, the Democrats, the Republicans, global warming, the Mayan calendar, or any other excuse. It has to do with the fact that most people don’t understand that all things being equal people do business with and refer business to people they know, like, and trust.

You’re not Tom Hanks living on an island with a volleyball named Wilson. You’re a mosquito in a nudist colony of opportunity. Be nicer. Be friendlier. Add more value. You’ve never been in a better position to succeed than you are right now.

I meet a lot of people who dip their toe or their organization’s toe into Social Media and hope that SoMe is a silver bullet. It’s not.

Posting something and then disappearing into the Witness Relocation Program for a long time doesn’t lead to Top-Of-Mind Awareness with your prospects, clients, customer, or networking or referral partners.

Pick a pace you can live with and then live with it. Just like a workout schedule.

Don’t treat your SoMe efforts the way most people treat a gym on January 1st. “It took me thirty years to get this out of shape so I’ll hammer the weights and treadmill and get back in shape in the next three days.” No you won’t. You’ll pull a muscle.

Small efforts repeated over time produce massive results. Inch by inch anything’s a cinch, yard by yard it’s hard. Steady wins the race. It doesn’t have to be slow and steady, but it does have to be steady.

I’m writing this in the beautiful Loews Hotel at 12th and Market in Philadelphia after delivering a speaking engagement. I’m in the lounge by the piano with floor to ceiling windows that look out 180 degrees on this busy intersection.

It’s amazing to watch the people go by. You see folks of every size, shape and color. You see people who are in a hurry, walking slowly, looking happy and sad.

It’s a lot like watching your news and status feeds on your Social Media sites.

But life changes when you stop just observing and start interacting….

This post may fall under the TMI category. What do you do first thing in the morning? I mean after you pee. For most people it’s check their iPhone for Facebook and Twitter updates. And that’s before they brush their teeth.

Airline pilots use a Standard Operating Procedure before each flight. They check their plane from top to bottom to ensure that they’re ready to fly. Developing your own SOP is a good idea. You already have one, by the way,  whether you realize it or not. It was the answer to the question I asked you above.

Every morning (after I pee) I get in the shower and while I’m washing my body and shampooing my hair I recite out loud the thirty principles outlined in Dale Carnegie’s book “How to Win Friends and Influence People”. Then I do it again. Then I recite out loud the “Self-Confidence Formula” outlined in Napoleon Hill’s book “Think and Grow Rich”. And then I do it again. Yup. Out loud. Twice. Every morning.

That usually takes me up to right about the time that I’m ready to get out of the shower. Yeah, I’ve been reciting these things for so long that I can do it pretty quickly, but I don’t rush it. Even though I’ve repeated these things thousands and thousands of times (and I often repeat them on stage too) I focus fully and concentrate on the words. I don’t just recite them without thinking about the meaning. And that’s the key. It’s not that I’ve got all this stuff memorized. You’d have them memorized too after repeating them thousands of times (there’s a lesson there). The question is whether it’s making an impact on you. And by extension the people around you.

Start the morning by developing your best attitude. Your day will reflect it. And your life will be a lot more fun and positive. What can you do to ensure that your head is on straight before you head out the door?

Happy people are better clients.

Happy people refer more business.

Happy people perform better work.

Happy people are a joy to get together with.

Happy people spend more and are repeat customers.

Happy people become raving fans.

Happy people make life a lot more fun and profitable.

And yet so few people invest time in studying how to make people happy.

Become a black belt in happiness creation.

You’ll be happy you did.

After speaking, training, and writing books about Social Media for over nine years, I can completely assure you that most questions people ask regarding Social Media aren’t Social Media questions. They’re relationship questions. They’re also networking questions, but I’m gonna include networking questions in the relationship category.

When you were learning to drive you probably didn’t ask many questions about transmissions and brake calipers. You probably asked questions about traffic signals, signs and speed. You don’t need to be an auto mechanic to drive a car.

Connecting with people on Social Media platforms is just the first step. Not the last, as a lot of people think. Now the relationship begins.

And this is when your character shows up. If you’re someone who’s just collecting “Likes”, “Follows”, and “Friends”, you’re in deep doo-doo, because after they connect with you, you have no idea what to do next. And no, the answer isn’t “Sell ‘em something.” People don’t like feeling like a commodity. Do you?

Study relationship skills. Any idiot can teach you how to use Social Media for marketing, branding, and blah-blah-blah, and many idiots do. Social Media for relationships is a different animal. And if someone doesn’t know how to build, enhance and maintain relationships offline, tell me how they’re gonna know how to do it online. They won’t. They’re out of their league.

Yes, learn the basic mechanics of Social Media sites and then double down on relationship skills. You’ll never worry about where to find your next job, client, project or opportunity again. You’ll be a mosquito in a nudist colony.

Those of us who use Twitter a lot are familiar with the hashtag #FF, which stands for Follow Friday. On Fridays, many people tweet #FF followed by the Twitter handles of people they’re recommending that their followers should also follow. Got that? It’s a nice way to pay it forward and drive visibility to people you see value in who your followers may have never heard of.

Don’t think you have to wait for Fridays to promote other people. And don’t think this only has to do with Twitter. Be a “Do It Now” person. If there’s someone you think deserves some recognition, do it now. Sure, wait until Friday to do the whole #FF thing, but don’t be afraid to post something on your Social Media platforms letting people know that you consider this person to be awesome.

The only recognition that many people get in life is when they screw something up. And they usually already know they screwed up and they don’t need someone reminding them of it. Take a different route. Sneak up and catch people doing something right. And then let other people know about it.

Follow Friday is Twitter’s way of paying it forward. Paying it forward on a daily basis whether online or offline is a great habit to develop. And you don’t have to wait until Friday to do it. Spread the love. How will you pay it forward today?

We can’t outrun our character. And that’s a good thing. In a more and more interconnected world, when we sincerely strive to add massive value what goes around comes around.

A lot of folks think they have to “be” a certain way on Social Media. Here’s the nine-hundred pound elephant in the middle of the room: if you’re trying to present yourself as anything other than what you really are, you will be found out very quickly and any knowable, likeable, trustable traits you’ve been attempting to present will be shattered.

You’re unique. Just like everyone else. You were designed a certain way and to attempt to be anything that you’re not is a lesson in futility. Be what you are while continually getting better at being you.

Share yourself, what’s interesting to you, your passions and your enthusiasm. That’s your unique voice.