I have been on a Dale Carnegie kick lately.  Well, for the last 20 years.  That's "lately" in a larger sense.  A Carnegie maxim is “Arouse in the Other Person an Eager Want.”  People are far more alike than different.  And everyone is pretty much like you and me: we are all interested in what we want.  This is so obvious that we often don’t even see it.  The fish doesn’t know that it’s wet.  Everything you’ve ever done was done because you wanted something.

The only way to persuade someone to do anything is to talk about what they want and show them a way to get it.  There is no other way.  As simple as that sounds it is something we overlook all the time.  Arouse in another person an eager want and they will move mountains.  Fail to do this and they won’t move an inch.  As Carnegie said “If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.” 

Talking about our problems is a waste of time.  When we communicate with people, let’s see how quickly we can get to view things from their point of view.  The world is full of people who are grabbing and self-seeking.  So the rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve has an enormous advantage.  He has little competition.  Let’s be clear that this is not about manipulation.  Each person needs to gain from the relationship.  Long-term success in sales, marriage, networking and everywhere else is about win-win outcomes.  Always has been, always will be.

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LinkedIn is one of the best places for you to showcase the professional that you are.  I often tell my audiences that one of the reasons that LinkedIn is so important to your success is because Google is so twentieth century.  When someone Googles your name they see a lot of information and some of it may not show you the way you would prefer.  By creating a robust LinkedIn profile you can present yourself in the most favorable light while increasing your visibility, showcasing your credibility, gaining clients or locating and securing your next position. 

You have the ability to allow people to write Recommendations for you on your LinkedIn profile.  This is a good thing.  A very good thing.  Of course you paint yourself in the best light when you create your LinkedIn profile.  You’re biased because you’re you.  By having people who have done business with you write testimonials regarding their experience of working with you, your credibility and viability increase dramatically.

Having trained thousands and thousands of people and hundreds of companies on the most effective uses of LinkedIn since 2004, I have seen a lot of LinkedIn profiles.  Most people are not leveraging the Recommendation section of their LinkedIn profile anywhere near what they could be doing.  I actually had someone bring to my attention recently that I have more Recommendations on my LinkedIn profile than anyone else on earth.  I didn’t believe them so I did a little research.  I found out that not only do I have more Recommendations than anyone else; at 740+ Recommendations I actually have more than double the number of Recommendations of any of the other 75,000,000 people on LinkedIn.
This serves me very well and I’m suggesting that adding Recommendations to your profile will result in greater success for you.  This is also another reason why you should connect with current and former coworkers, clients and networking partners.  These folks are in a position to comment on their experiences of working with you.  And you control what gets posted on your profile.  If for some reason you would like them to modify their Recommendation you can request it.  You can also delete the Recommendation completely if you choose. 

In a more and more competitive business world, having the ability to have other people describe the positive outcomes they have had in working with you can be a game changer for you, your career and your business.  All things being equal, people do business with and refer business to people they know, like and trust.  By having Recommendations on your LinkedIn profile you significantly increase your “know, like, trust factor”.  Most people spend inordinate amounts of time trying to realign the planets and solve business Rubik’s Cubes when in reality their businesses would be transformed if they increased their Know, Like, Trust Factor.

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In keeping with my recent Dale Carnegie theme, one of the “Carnegie-isms” is “Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation.”  This is very important in all interpersonal relationships, whether online or offline.  We should never forget that all our associates are human beings and hunger for appreciation.  Remember the phrase: “the desire to be important.”  It is very significant.  Anyone can point out when someone has screwed up.  Unfortunately, the only recognition that many people ever get is when they mess up.  I suggest that we sneak up and catch people doing something right.

Don’t flatter people.  Flattery does more harm than good.  Appreciation is sincere and flattery is insincere.  One comes from the heart out and one comes from the teeth out.  One is unselfish; the other selfish.  Think about people’s good points and we won’t have to resort to something as cheap and false as flattery.  People aren’t stupid; they know when they’re being fed a line.  Give honest and sincere appreciation.

People do better work and put forth far greater effort under the spirit of approval than they ever do under a spirit of criticism.  We’re all very busy and we often take our spouses and business partners for granted and we rarely let them know that we appreciate them.  There are few things people need as much as nourishment for their self-esteem.  Realize this and take a minute to show appreciation.  We often forget that what we give we receive in return.  Pay it forward.  Show appreciation.  Do it without expecting it to come back to you immediately.  It will come back.  It’s not our job to rush the harvest.  Just plant the seeds.

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Remember the old days (in the last century) when your parents told you to go to school, stay out of trouble, keep your nose clean, study hard, get good grades, get a good job, work there for 40 or 50 years, retire, move to Florida and enjoy the good life?  Were you told this like I was?  How’s that working out?  That may have worked at some point way back in the past, but even ten year olds know that it doesn’t work this way today.

Networking has always been a smart thing to do and never more so than today.  Especially today.  Networking is the cultivating of mutually beneficial, give-and-take, win-win relationships.  In a more and more interconnected world it is very smart to build strong networks.  The days of working in a silo and not connecting with folks outside of your silo are over.  Just look at Social Networking.  Facebook, Plaxo, Twitter, LinkedIn, Naymz, and the list goes on and on.  Your world is getting smaller with every connection you make.

Connecting is all about your friendliness, your ability to engage, and your willingness to give value first.  More than likely, your next job, business opportunity, client or strategic alliance is going to come from networking and not from old-school advertising or similar means.  This is a great time to be in business.  As long as you’re someone who gives value first.  People are looking to do business with people they like, know and trust.

Networking is important because in the world today, it isn’t just who you know, it’s who knows you and what you do.  Effectively networking and adding value to your network comes back in many ways and often in very unlikely places.  This makes perfect sense when you start to see all the hidden connections that we have with each other.  And although it’s a cliché, “What goes around, comes around” is pretty much right on the mark.  Build your network, add value, seek to serve and let the chips fall.  I’m betting they’ll fall in your favor.

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Most folks know that I am a bit of a Carneholic.  That's a Dale Carnegie-aholic.  "Hello, my name is Kev, and I'm a Carneholic."  Whether I'm speaking onstage on Online or Offline Networking, LinkedIn, Facebook or Twitter or anything else (and God knows I fall into some rabbit holes), you can bet your life that at some point in my speaking or training engagement, the Carneholic will emerge.  This is because Dale's book "How to Win Friends and Influence People" has made such a major difference in my life.  And not just my life, but a lot of other people's lives also.
 
One of the Carnegie maxims is "Don't Criticize, Condemn or Complain".  This is profoundly simple wisdom.  And something that should be taught to every child from the moment of their birth.  We become like the people we associate with whether we're young or old.  And most of society is pretty darn negative.  So it's only natural that as we grow up we tend to get negative and cynical.  Carnegie understood that we tend to avoid people who are a pain to be around.  And people who criticize, condemn or complain tend to be a pain to be around.  At a conscious and also a subliminal level we like to be around positive people.
 
Regardless of how tempting it may be to participate in a negative conversation, try to resist.  It may be tough and you may fall into one again and again, but realize that it gets easier over time.  The fish doesn't know it's wet.  Most folks have no idea how negative they actually are, just like a fish doesn't even know that it's wet.  It's been in the water so long it doesn't even think about it.  And we're so immersed in negativity, they we don't even realize it most of the time.  Who said "the unreflected life is not worth living"?  Shakespeare, Plato, Pee Wee Herman?  I can't keep them straight.  Whoever it was, they were right.  The only way we can change habits is to start being aware of them.  Set a goal for a day to monitor whether you're criticizing, condemning or complaining.  You may be surprised.
 
Whether it's in the context of networking, dealing with co-workers, your spouse, your kids, whoever…we're always dealing with people.  And our joy, success and results in life are hugely dependent on our ability to get along with people.  Only in a huge way.  Set a goal to see how long you can go without criticizing, condemning or complaining.  Set a personal record and then keep striving to break the previous record.  You will find that you become much more conscious of your and other peoples' speech patterns.  And as you work toward removing these stumbling blocks to effective relationship building you'll also enjoy your relationships more and more.  And that makes it all worth it.

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When you're networking remember that everyone has WIIFM written on their forehead in invisible ink.  "What's In It For Me?"  This is true regardless of the person's age, gender, occupation or anything else.  There are some things that we all share in common and this is one of them.  There is no subject that is more interesting to each of us than ourselves.  So the best networkers remember this and use it to create win-win relationships.  Now, let's clarify upfront that we're not talking about manipulation or slickness.  Although, if you look up manipulation in the dictionary it means "to handle skillfully".  Most of us could use a little more skillful handling although the word "manipulation" is usually used in a negative connotation.
 
So, knowing that people like to talk about themselves, it's not a stretch to realize that the other person is looking for a way for this potential networking relationship to benefit them.  And so are you.  And that's the definition of a mutually beneficial win-win relationship.  This is the essence of successful networking.  As obvious as this may sound, there are bajillions of people that don't understand this.  And they have all the evidence to prove it.  Sometimes you even see a lot of dead bodies in their wake.  Well, maybe not dead bodies, but folks that are very unlikely to ever do business with or refer business to these people.
 
As you're getting to know your networking partners always keep in the forefront of your mind that you should be thinking of ways that you can add value to their professional life.  As they are describing what they do for a living be listening closely to what a good prospect or referral is for them.  Don't be thinking about what you're going to say next.  Focus on listening.  After they're done explaining their ideal referral, start running through your mental Rolodex looking for good fits.  If you need additional clarification ask them for it.  The more that you know about what their ideal referral looks like, the more likely you'll be in a position to refer business to them. 
 
One of the nice serendipities of remembering WIIFM is that WIIFM often results in WIIFY.  "What's In It For You."  Because if there's nothing in it for them, there's probably nothing in it for you either.  Maybe short-term, but definitely not long-term.  And that's how you can identify a professional networker.  They are only interested in mutually beneficial, win-win, long-term relationships.  Actually, individually beneficial, win-lose, short-term relationships aren't even called relationships; they're called transactions.  And transactions are like commodities.  Things that you're just looking for the lowest cost of.  There are no people who are commodities, only people who think like commodities.  Remember WIIFM and you'll see a difference in your networking and your business results.

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Because people can't read minds, we make decisions about the folks that we meet and network based on things like clothes, body language, eye contact and other factors.  Of course, we also make decisions based on the other person's credibility as it relates to what kind of work they do.  But there is something that a lot of people don't think about when they're networking that they should notice about themselves and others.  Enthusiasm.  Are we giving the impression that we enjoy the kind of work that we do?  Are we giving the impression that we're interested in the other person?  Quite often, people don't realize that they are sending mixed signals.

Have you ever met the person who says they're excited and you're thinking "Why don't you notify your face?"  I meet them from time to time.  People are picking up subtle clues all the time as to the congruency of our messages.  Is what we're thinking, saying and doing in alignment?  This is a question that deserves some thought before we get into a networking conversation.
 

The word "enthusiasm" comes from the Greek word "entheos".  No, I'm not going to be like the father in My Big Fat Greek Wedding and try to convince you that all words can be traced back to Greece.  Entheos means "having God within".  If God is within someone it's probably a good bet that they're fully alive.  This isn't about religion, it's about inspiration and excitement.  When you're meeting people, kick it up a notch.  Don't start bouncing off the walls or acting weird.  Just remember that you're opening up a relationship and who knows where it can go?  This is exciting!  When you're a professional in your line of work, the other person is fortunate to make your acquaintance and you're lucky to make theirs.  This is the start of a mutually-beneficial relationship.

Put on your game face the next time you're networking.  You're there to meet people and see folks that you already know.  We all like being around people that have a little skip in their step and that are up.  Make it a goal to be positive and enthusiastic the next time you're out and about.  And the beautiful thing is that whatever we give we receive in return.  See how the energy in the conversation changes when you inject a little enthusiasm.  You will become someone that people want to be around.  And that's fun and profitable for everyone.

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Do you think that Twitter is just about 13 year olds talking about what they had for lunch and the Jonas Brothers?  C'mon, if you're not currently using Twitter, you know you do.  If so, you're right.  But, that's like saying that the phone is about 13 year olds talking about what they had for lunch and the Jonas Brothers.  So, it's not about the phone, it's about the conversation.  My suggestion is not to listen to the conversations of 13 year olds, but that's just me.  Twitter is the world's best real-time business tool.  Now let's agree that anything that is on Twitter (or Facebook or LinkedIn or any other Social Networking site) is open for public review unless certain privacy settings have been set.  And if it's private either don't post it or use the privacy settings.  So, we're not talking about stalking here, we're talking about common sense.  Which, ironically, is the most uncommon thing in the world.

Now that we've covered that, let's talk about effectively using Twitter for a minute.  Imagine if you could be a fly on the wall to over 100,000,000 peoples' conversations around the world.  Imagine if you could search through these conversations by specific name, word, company or anything else that you can type.  Imagine if you could observe people talking about things that you could add value to or help them with.  Imagine if you could find like-minded people who have similar interests to you.  Now we're getting somewhere.  This is a small sampling of what can be accomplished by effectively using Twitter as a business tool. 

Let's also agree that just because someone's voice can reach around the world, it doesn't mean that the person is any smarter than when their voice could only reach the end of the bar.  So think of Twitter as a database.  A very amazing real-time conversational database.  That's what it is.  The internet is an electronic bathroom wall sometimes and sometimes it's an amazing communication tool.  The choice is up to us.  Just as in any other decision, the choice is up to us.  I recommend being selective about the conversations that you participate in and contribute to so that you and the other folks see value in it. 
 

If we're not already connected on Twitter and you'd like to connect with me, please feel free to connect with me at www.twitter.com/kevinknebl.  I have no interest in spamming, stalking or trying to sell you something all the time.  I use Twitter as a tool to connect with people who I can add value to.  It's always about relationships, whether personal or business-oriented.  Just as in offline relationships, you can tell a lot about a person by what they talk about.  Just listen.  They'll reveal themselves.  It's no different with Twitter.  This is just a communication tool.  At the end of the day, we hang with the folks we like.  I'll share more information on how to get the most out of Twitter while adding the most value in future blog posts.  Let's connect.

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We never outgrow the need to have our feelings known and much of the conflict in our lives can be explained by one simple fact: people don’t really listen to each other.  In a more and more hyper-paced world we sometimes fool ourselves into thinking that we can do more than one thing at a time.  The truth is that we just end up doing one thing poorly after another.  We’ve gained unparalleled access to information and lost something very important.  We’ve lost the habit of concentrating our attention. 

The simple art of listening isn’t so simple.  Take the time to focus and listen to people.  Regardless of how much we take it for granted, the importance of listening cannot be overestimated.  The gift of our attention and understanding makes other people feel validated and valued.  Our ability to listen, and listen well, creates goodwill that comes back to us.  But effective listening is also the best way to enjoy others, to learn from them, and to make them interesting to be with.

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LinkedIn is the world’s largest and most successful networking site.  There are over 70,000,000 people using LinkedIn.  The average LinkedIn user is 42 years old and earns $107,000 per year.  Not a bad demographic.

If you’re working, a LinkedIn profile is a must-have, not a like-to-have.  This is because just about all savvy businesspeople go to LinkedIn to do their due diligence in regards to who to do business with, sell to, buy from, etc.  This is not about spam or stalking.  This is about adding value to every relationship because (and you can write this in stone) “All things being equal, people do business with and refer business to people they like, know and trust.”  My friend Bob Burg came up with that quote back in the early 1990’s and I use it every day all over the world, because it’s as true as gravity.
In upcoming newsletters, I will explain some of the ins and outs of LinkedIn to assist you in showcasing yourself in the best possible light, positioning yourself for your next opportunity, and connecting with strategic partners.

Here’s a gift for you: if we’re not already connected as 1st Tier Connections on LinkedIn, please send me a LinkedIn connection request.  Because I have been using LinkedIn for seven years and because I have over 16,200,000 connections on LinkedIn, when I accept your invitation, over 2,000,000 connections will be added to your LinkedIn account for free.  This will save you seven years of building your network and will add immense value to your LinkedIn experience.  Here I am: www.linkedin.com/in/kevinknebl

You can only add me as a connection if you have a LinkedIn account, so if you don’t, take the five minutes and start to set one up.  You’ll be glad you did!

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