As people are trying to gain more visibility through Social Media, a question I often hear is “How do I get more connections on LinkedIn, likes on Facebook and followers on Twitter?”

I think the problem lies in their question. The question they should be asking is “How do I earn more connections, likes, and followers?”

I can show you how to get a lot of followers very quickly. And you’ll lose them just as quickly. Almost as quickly as you’ll lose your credibility.

Success isn’t something you get. It’s something you earn.

First: add massive value. Second: add massive value. Third: add massive value. Guess what fourth is.

While everyone else is trying to get, invest your time in earning your connections, likes and followers. When you earn them they won’t leave. When you earn them, they want to do business with you. When you earn them, you have relationships. And that’s the holy grail.

We have almost unlimited ways to connect with each other. When you meet someone either personally or professionally do you look to connect with them on LinkedIn, Facebook and Twitter? I do.

It’s a good habit to start. Then after you connect online, offer to help them in some way. Without an agenda. And not so they can owe you.

There are a lot of people who are out of work for long periods of time, tolerating jobs that they hate, dealing with clients they’d love to fire, and a hundred others types of soul-sucking torture.

The reason they’re living in this situation has nothing to do with the economy, the Democrats, the Republicans, global warming, the Mayan calendar, or any other excuse. It has to do with the fact that most people don’t understand that all things being equal people do business with and refer business to people they know, like, and trust.

You’re not Tom Hanks living on an island with a volleyball named Wilson. You’re a mosquito in a nudist colony of opportunity. Be nicer. Be friendlier. Add more value. You’ve never been in a better position to succeed than you are right now.

I meet a lot of people who dip their toe or their organization’s toe into Social Media and hope that SoMe is a silver bullet. It’s not.

Posting something and then disappearing into the Witness Relocation Program for a long time doesn’t lead to Top-Of-Mind Awareness with your prospects, clients, customer, or networking or referral partners.

Pick a pace you can live with and then live with it. Just like a workout schedule.

Don’t treat your SoMe efforts the way most people treat a gym on January 1st. “It took me thirty years to get this out of shape so I’ll hammer the weights and treadmill and get back in shape in the next three days.” No you won’t. You’ll pull a muscle.

Small efforts repeated over time produce massive results. Inch by inch anything’s a cinch, yard by yard it’s hard. Steady wins the race. It doesn’t have to be slow and steady, but it does have to be steady.

I’m writing this in the beautiful Loews Hotel at 12th and Market in Philadelphia after delivering a speaking engagement. I’m in the lounge by the piano with floor to ceiling windows that look out 180 degrees on this busy intersection.

It’s amazing to watch the people go by. You see folks of every size, shape and color. You see people who are in a hurry, walking slowly, looking happy and sad.

It’s a lot like watching your news and status feeds on your Social Media sites.

But life changes when you stop just observing and start interacting….

After speaking, training, and writing books about Social Media for over nine years, I can completely assure you that most questions people ask regarding Social Media aren’t Social Media questions. They’re relationship questions. They’re also networking questions, but I’m gonna include networking questions in the relationship category.

When you were learning to drive you probably didn’t ask many questions about transmissions and brake calipers. You probably asked questions about traffic signals, signs and speed. You don’t need to be an auto mechanic to drive a car.

Connecting with people on Social Media platforms is just the first step. Not the last, as a lot of people think. Now the relationship begins.

And this is when your character shows up. If you’re someone who’s just collecting “Likes”, “Follows”, and “Friends”, you’re in deep doo-doo, because after they connect with you, you have no idea what to do next. And no, the answer isn’t “Sell ‘em something.” People don’t like feeling like a commodity. Do you?

Study relationship skills. Any idiot can teach you how to use Social Media for marketing, branding, and blah-blah-blah, and many idiots do. Social Media for relationships is a different animal. And if someone doesn’t know how to build, enhance and maintain relationships offline, tell me how they’re gonna know how to do it online. They won’t. They’re out of their league.

Yes, learn the basic mechanics of Social Media sites and then double down on relationship skills. You’ll never worry about where to find your next job, client, project or opportunity again. You’ll be a mosquito in a nudist colony.

Those of us who use Twitter a lot are familiar with the hashtag #FF, which stands for Follow Friday. On Fridays, many people tweet #FF followed by the Twitter handles of people they’re recommending that their followers should also follow. Got that? It’s a nice way to pay it forward and drive visibility to people you see value in who your followers may have never heard of.

Don’t think you have to wait for Fridays to promote other people. And don’t think this only has to do with Twitter. Be a “Do It Now” person. If there’s someone you think deserves some recognition, do it now. Sure, wait until Friday to do the whole #FF thing, but don’t be afraid to post something on your Social Media platforms letting people know that you consider this person to be awesome.

The only recognition that many people get in life is when they screw something up. And they usually already know they screwed up and they don’t need someone reminding them of it. Take a different route. Sneak up and catch people doing something right. And then let other people know about it.

Follow Friday is Twitter’s way of paying it forward. Paying it forward on a daily basis whether online or offline is a great habit to develop. And you don’t have to wait until Friday to do it. Spread the love. How will you pay it forward today?

We can’t outrun our character. And that’s a good thing. In a more and more interconnected world, when we sincerely strive to add massive value what goes around comes around.

A lot of folks think they have to “be” a certain way on Social Media. Here’s the nine-hundred pound elephant in the middle of the room: if you’re trying to present yourself as anything other than what you really are, you will be found out very quickly and any knowable, likeable, trustable traits you’ve been attempting to present will be shattered.

You’re unique. Just like everyone else. You were designed a certain way and to attempt to be anything that you’re not is a lesson in futility. Be what you are while continually getting better at being you.

Share yourself, what’s interesting to you, your passions and your enthusiasm. That’s your unique voice.

The only time most folks get any recognition is when they screw something up. And most of the time they already know they screwed it up and don’t need someone else shoving it in their face.

I’m no management guru, but I know one thing that will help people perform better and make them feel better about themselves and also about you. Sneak up and catch them doing something right.

And even if you’re not catching them doing something right, a little encouragement goes a long way. Let people know that you believe in them and make sure you’re sincere about it.

Who can you encourage live in the flesh today, and also on Social Media platforms? It takes so little to spread a little sunshine and the return for doing so (for everyone involved including you) is so large that it’s pretty much a no-brainer. Encourage people.

Years ago, a man I respect a lot told me to identify the five people who I spend the most time with, and add up their incomes. He said that my income would be about the average of the five. And when I did what he suggested, I found out that he was right.

This works with a lot more than money. Observe the attitudes, family relationships, health, and spirituality of the five people you spend the most time with and you’ll probably find that the corresponding areas of your life are probably also the average of their’s.

And you don’t need to be physically with these people all the time. Who are you hanging out with on LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, etc?

This is very good news. Because you get to choose your five. Is there anyone you need to remove from your five? Is there anyone you need to add to your five? Choose wisely.

Disclaimer: This post may sound like a rant, but it’s not. It’s a simple interpersonal tip that will produce massive results for you.

I see a lot of people post things on Social Media platforms that have words in the message like, “Good morning everyone!”, “Hey folks….” and “Thank you all.”

People who use Social Media most effectively understand that they’re talking to people individually. And they communicate as if they are speaking to just one person. Because they are.

Remember that adults are just kids with long, hairy legs and that a lot of people feel the need to puff themselves up (due to their fragile self-images) and want to look like they have a massive following and that they’re important. So they’ll use verbiage that sends a message that is intended to look like they are communicating with masses of folks.

The irony is that the folks with some level of influence tend to get those followings because they make people feel special and create an intimacy in their communications.

Focus on Social YOUdia, not Social MEdia. Speak to people individually. That’s how true relationships are created.