As people are trying to gain more visibility through Social Media, a question I often hear is “How do I get more connections on LinkedIn, likes on Facebook and followers on Twitter?”

I think the problem lies in their question. The question they should be asking is “How do I earn more connections, likes, and followers?”

I can show you how to get a lot of followers very quickly. And you’ll lose them just as quickly. Almost as quickly as you’ll lose your credibility.

Success isn’t something you get. It’s something you earn.

First: add massive value. Second: add massive value. Third: add massive value. Guess what fourth is.

While everyone else is trying to get, invest your time in earning your connections, likes and followers. When you earn them they won’t leave. When you earn them, they want to do business with you. When you earn them, you have relationships. And that’s the holy grail.

We have almost unlimited ways to connect with each other. When you meet someone either personally or professionally do you look to connect with them on LinkedIn, Facebook and Twitter? I do.

It’s a good habit to start. Then after you connect online, offer to help them in some way. Without an agenda. And not so they can owe you.

There are a lot of people who are out of work for long periods of time, tolerating jobs that they hate, dealing with clients they’d love to fire, and a hundred others types of soul-sucking torture.

The reason they’re living in this situation has nothing to do with the economy, the Democrats, the Republicans, global warming, the Mayan calendar, or any other excuse. It has to do with the fact that most people don’t understand that all things being equal people do business with and refer business to people they know, like, and trust.

You’re not Tom Hanks living on an island with a volleyball named Wilson. You’re a mosquito in a nudist colony of opportunity. Be nicer. Be friendlier. Add more value. You’ve never been in a better position to succeed than you are right now.

I’m writing this in the beautiful Loews Hotel at 12th and Market in Philadelphia after delivering a speaking engagement. I’m in the lounge by the piano with floor to ceiling windows that look out 180 degrees on this busy intersection.

It’s amazing to watch the people go by. You see folks of every size, shape and color. You see people who are in a hurry, walking slowly, looking happy and sad.

It’s a lot like watching your news and status feeds on your Social Media sites.

But life changes when you stop just observing and start interacting….

Happy people are better clients.

Happy people refer more business.

Happy people perform better work.

Happy people are a joy to get together with.

Happy people spend more and are repeat customers.

Happy people become raving fans.

Happy people make life a lot more fun and profitable.

And yet so few people invest time in studying how to make people happy.

Become a black belt in happiness creation.

You’ll be happy you did.

After speaking, training, and writing books about Social Media for over nine years, I can completely assure you that most questions people ask regarding Social Media aren’t Social Media questions. They’re relationship questions. They’re also networking questions, but I’m gonna include networking questions in the relationship category.

When you were learning to drive you probably didn’t ask many questions about transmissions and brake calipers. You probably asked questions about traffic signals, signs and speed. You don’t need to be an auto mechanic to drive a car.

Connecting with people on Social Media platforms is just the first step. Not the last, as a lot of people think. Now the relationship begins.

And this is when your character shows up. If you’re someone who’s just collecting “Likes”, “Follows”, and “Friends”, you’re in deep doo-doo, because after they connect with you, you have no idea what to do next. And no, the answer isn’t “Sell ‘em something.” People don’t like feeling like a commodity. Do you?

Study relationship skills. Any idiot can teach you how to use Social Media for marketing, branding, and blah-blah-blah, and many idiots do. Social Media for relationships is a different animal. And if someone doesn’t know how to build, enhance and maintain relationships offline, tell me how they’re gonna know how to do it online. They won’t. They’re out of their league.

Yes, learn the basic mechanics of Social Media sites and then double down on relationship skills. You’ll never worry about where to find your next job, client, project or opportunity again. You’ll be a mosquito in a nudist colony.

There’s an old saying in the sales biz that goes, “You no ask, you no get.” And it’s an old saying because it’s true.

There’s an even older saying from a pretty famous book that goes, “Ask and it shall be given unto you.” This is the positive version of the old sales adage.

When you meet people in person or on LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, or wherever, ask them how you may help them in some way. And if you’re in a position to help them, do it.

What goes around comes around. But don’t offer to help people so that they’ll owe you. Do it because it’s a reflection of your giving nature and pay-it-forward attitude.

Timid salespeople have skinny kids.

This isn’t necessarily about sales, but really about human relations. Not offering to help people doesn’t serve anyone. Not the withholder nor the withholdee.

Your success may be as close as your next offer of assistance.

It’s nice to have a lot of Friends on Facebook, Connections on LinkedIn and Followers on Twitter, but don’t let the numbers fool you. Every connection regardless of the Social Media platform is an opportunity to add value to someone and to create a mutually beneficial, win-win relationship.

Many people are “drive-by connecting” with people. They’re just trying to increase their numbers in an egotistical manner. This isn’t everyone by any means, but it’s certainly a lot of people. Just look at the evidence.

A drive-by connection is someone who “friends, connects, or follows” and they’re then off to the Social Media Witness Relocation Program. You never hear from them again. Nothing, nada, bupkiss, goose egg.

When connecting with someone, send them a personal message acknowledging them and asking if you may help them in some way. You may be surprised at some of the wonderful replies you get. Most people are nice if you’re nice to them. And huge doors of opportunities swing on tiny hinges.

Don’t be a drive-by connector. If you’re going to connect with someone, then connect. At least stick your virtual hand out and say hi and offer to start a relationship. The right people will reply and then you’re on your path to many mutually beneficial, win-win relationships. And that’s a sweet way to live.

We hear a lot in the business world about gaining client/customer engagement. I’m a simple country boy, and although I did grow up in New Jersey, I think there were more cows and horses in my home town than people. Client engagement is a fancy word for happy, repeat clients. KISS : Keep It Simple Sweetie

Folks can keep their metrics, analytics, NASA computations and so on. I’ll stick with what Dale Carnegie taught years ago: “You can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”

Engagement is not about advertising, spamming, stalking or any other intrusive ways of dealing with people. The easiest and fastest way to gain engagement is by being engaging. Let me repeat that, the easiest and fastest way to gain engagement is by being engaging. I just saved you over $100,000 in a marketing degree. Maybe next time you see me, buy me a glass of wine. I like New Zealand Sauvignon Blancs.

Being engaging is about taking a sincere interest in other people and letting them know that you appreciate and care about them. And it better be sincere. People are pretty smart and they know when they’re dealing with a real person and when they’re not. Be real. Be sincere. Show appreciation. Be engaging.

I’ve been off the road for a little bit and I’ve been getting back to the basics of connecting with people. Even though I speak all over the USA and internationally on a weekly basis on the subjects of Social Media, Networking, Personal Development, and Relationship Building, it’s easy to fall out of the habit of connecting with people like we should.

What if every morning you got up a little earlier and checked in on your LinkedIn account to see who’s changed their photo, updated their profile, started a new job, joined a new group, received a recommendation or any of a ton of other updates that LinkedIn can provide you with. And then what if you sent them a brief personal message congratulating them or at least acknowledging that you’re interested in their success?

What if you also looked at your Facebook account and congratulated your friends on their birthdays, acknowledged their kids’ achievements, liked their pictures, and engaged in conversations with them?

And what if you looked at your Twitter account and took a few minutes to find some new interesting people to follow? What if you sent a few direct messages to the people you’re following letting them know that you appreciate them? What if you retweeted some of their tweets and gave them more visibility out in the Twittersphere?

These are very good practices to get into. And they’re profitable. Let me be very clear here: you don’t do these things so that people will owe you or because you have some ulterior motive like bugging the crap out of people so that hopefully they’ll buy from you or hire you. You do it because it’s the right thing to do. And ironically, the money and the opportunities show up. All things being equal, people do business with and refer business to people they know, like, and trust.

What are you doing to develop your “Know-Like-Trust Factor”? Get back to the basics. Invest a little time everyday in your relationships. You’ll be so glad that you did.

Since today is Valentine’s Day, I thought I’d mention a book that I read back in 2003 which changed my life. That’s not an exaggeration. The book is “Love Is The Killer App” by Tim Sanders. The subtitle is “How to Win Business and Influence Friends.”

Tim explains how to bring your compassion into business. It’s not a sappy book. It’s profound in its originality and authenticity.

I applied what I learned in his book to my business efforts and saw huge immediate results. The book actually steered me toward the course I’m now on around the world with my speaking and training.

Tim was actually going to kindly write a blurb for my book “The Social Media Sales Revolution” but it didn’t align with McGraw-Hill’s editorial calendar. Maybe he’ll kindly endorse my next book.

I’m intentionally not going into a lot of detail here on what’s in the book. Wanna learn how to have a much greater impact in your job or business while earning a lot more money? Read the book. Wanna be happier on a daily basis in your professional role? Read the book. Wanna have people wanting to do business with you and/or hire you? Read the book.

Spread the love. Happy Valentine’s Day!