As you’re winding down 2011, I’m sure you’re taking a few minutes to review the year and take stock of how it all panned out. Did you hit your goals? Did you have goals? How did your job or business fare in 2011? Despite the economic tsunami, did you stay afloat or perhaps even thrive?

Think about your professional and personal relationships. How are you doing with the people you work with? Look back at December of 2010 and think of how your professional relationships were then and ask yourself if there’s been any change between then and now? Is it for the better or worse? There is no status quo in relationships.

How about your personal relationships? How’s it going with your spouse, kids, relatives, and friends? Take a minute and ask yourself if these relationships are getting stronger or are they getting weaker? Remember that kids often spell love as “time.” And spouses are kids with long, hairy legs.

Regardless of how 2011 worked out for you, give thanks. We have a lot to be thankful for. Our health, families, country, and many other things should be on our thankful list. I’ve always thought that it’s nice that Thanksgiving and Christmas come so close together. And if you don’t celebrate Christmas, insert your holiday of choice. This season is the perfect time to give thanks, spread the love, and to celebrate.

In the holiday season, we’re used to giving gifts. So let’s take that spirit to our interactions on Social Media platforms. During the month of December, set a goal to invest ten minutes every morning giving gifts. Gifts that cost you nothing. Gifts that touch people and make them feel better. Gifts of appreciation.

Get your morning cup of coffee and plop down in front of your computer and pull up Facebook. Go to your home page and see who is having a birthday today. Post a birthday message on their Wall. If you’d like to post something cool for them, feel free to go to my Wall and copy and paste the birthday greeting that I send people every day. I’m at www.facebook.com/kevinjknebl and if we’re not already friends, feel free to “friend me.” See what’s going on in your Facebook friends’ lives and click the “Like” button or make brief comments on their posts letting them know that you appreciate them. Or just wish them happy holidays. Just be sincere.

Then go on over to LinkedIn and look at the Status Updates of your connections. You can refine the updates to show recent Recommendations, Postings, Pictures, etc. I like seeing who has recently changed their profile picture and sending them a message like “Hey Bob, nice new mug shot. Looking good, bro. Happy holidays, Kev”.  Touch people. People like to know that someone is thinking of them. Spread the holiday love.

Gifts don’t have to come in little blue Tiffany boxes. Gifts don’t have to come with big bows on them like in the Lexus commercials. Often the greatest gifts are the ones that touch our heart. There’s usually a correlation between sincere, inexpensive, unexpected gifts and the recipient’s warmest thoughts for the giver. Take a little time this season to let people know that you’re thinking of them. Don’t try to position them for business in 2012. Don’t you dare mention your business. Just let them know that you care. End 2011 on a warm note with your professional and personal relationships, and you will start 2012 on the right foot. Happy holidays.

Life moves pretty fast and if we really understood the impact that our words and actions have on other people and ultimately on ourselves, we’d probably be a little more selective with the things we say and do.

Every interaction with another person is either a deposit or a withdrawal from that particular relationship. Be smart and make deposits.

Negative comments and attitudes are withdrawals. There’s an old saying that goes, “You can’t afford the luxury of a negative thought.” I agree with that.

That doesn’t mean that you have to become a superman of positivity and beat yourself up if you have negative thoughts. Everyone has negative thoughts. The question is: do you dwell on it, let it fester and then spread it like a virus, or do you choose to change your thoughts and focus on positive things?

Take this line of thinking to Social Media. Everything you post is also either putting deposits in or taking withdrawals from the relationships you have with folks on LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, etc.

We all have crap in our lives. And most people have enough crap of their own without needing us throwing ours on them. Post positive, not negative. Spread the love, not the hate.

Long term, nothing good comes from spewing negative. And it’s definitely not a luxury.

Remember that when people think of you, they immediately have a picture and feeling of you based on every interaction they’ve ever had with you.  Give them something good to think about.

On the right-hand side of your LinkedIn homepage is a very interesting button called “Who’s Viewed Your Profile”. Depending on how a person’s LinkedIn settings are configured you can see with some limited visibility who’s been looking at your LinkedIn profile. Huge door of opportunity alert.

Many people spend a lot of mental power trying to think up clever back door ways of doing things and getting people’s attention when they could just walk up to the nine-hundred-pound elephant in the middle of the room and hug it.

I check this LinkedIn feature everyday and send a message to the people who’ve viewed my profile. Here’s my standard message:

“Hi Bob, 

I noticed that you viewed my LinkedIn Profile. 

I’m all about paying-it-forward and adding massive value and I’d like you to make me prove it. 

May I help or serve you in some way? 

To your massive success, 
Kev”

I couldn’t begin to tell you the number of great relationships this has started, speaking and training opportunities booked, and other serendipities that have resulted as a result of me just extending my hand in friendship to people who obviously have some interest in me for some reason.

Make sure you’re making the most of every human interaction. Huge doors of opportunity swing on little, tiny hinges. Hear that creaking? That’s another hinge. And by the way….another word for hinges is relationships.

If  you think that you have to stay up on every new bell and whistle on every Social Media site, you’re asking for a headache. And lack of sleep. And frustration. And stress.

Most people have enough stress in their lives. They don’t need SMS (Social Media Stress).

It’s the nature of technology to change quickly and without notice.

I tell my audiences that when I get in the morning, one of the first questions I ask is, “What did they change on Facebook while I was sleeping?” And the audience laughs and when they stop laughing I tell them that I was serious.

So relax. This technology stuff is only going to accelerate. Get used to it. Kind of like the way you get used to weather. You observe it, maybe predict it a little, but basically realize there’s not a lot you can do about it, except to buy an umbrella or winter coat.

Realize that Social Media isn’t about technology, it’s about people. Just because you can drive a car doesn’t mean you should be able to fix a transmission. Just because there are a million nuances, functionalities, shiny bells and whistles on every Social Media site doesn’t mean you have to be the master of them all.

Focus on the functions that build and enhance communication and relationships. That’s where you want to live.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Repeat.

We can learn a lot from nature. In nature, few things grow extremely quickly. Things have their own pace and rarely spike in terms of growth rate.

As you are growing your LinkedIn Connections, Facebook Friends and Twitter Followers, remember nature. Remember that slow and steady wins the race. And then remember that Social Media isn’t a race.

Be leery of the folks who tout offers to “Grow your followers by 50 bajillion in 5 minutes” and crap like that. Be very leery. How unnatural.

Yes, Social Media enables us to communicate with more people and much more quickly. But remember that relationships aren’t rushed. And effective Social Media is all about relationships.

I don’t know exactly what ‘organic’ means, although I heard the word used a lot in business over the last few years. It’s one of those buzz-words that’s in style right now.

I’ll use the word ‘organic’ to mean ‘nature-like’ or ‘natural’. In my simple thinking, this makes sense and as in most things we should follow nature’s example. Don’t rush the harvest.

Grow your connections, friends and followers naturally. Connect with people, offer value and be friendly. Don’t make it more complicated than that. All things being equal, people do business with and refer business to people they know, like and trust.

Yes, your networks can grow to some staggering numbers, but the most effective people realize that it’s grown one by one. Which is very natural.

The best way to teach is by example. This applies to everything including Social Media.

People tend to become like the people they associate with and that explains why so many people are negative. But you don’t have to be.

Just as in real life, when you’re a downer, people don’t want to hang out with you. The same applies to LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, etc.

Post positive, uplifting things. This doesn’t mean that you’re some Pollyanna who denies that there’s a lot of crap out there. It means that you choose what to focus on.

Be an example of someone who understands that people have enough crap in their lives and you’re not here to add to it.

Be a ray of sunshine in people’s day. Regardless of the business you’re in.

Because whatever business it appears that you’re in, we’re really all in the same business. The people business. Except only a small number of people know this. Be one of them.

One of the neat features of LinkedIn is the ability to see who’s looking at your profile. There are some limitations to this, but it can be a valuable tool if you use it correctly.

It will serve you well to take a minute every morning to see who has been checking you out. How about sending them a message like, “Hi Mary, I noticed that you were looking at my profile. Thanks for taking a few minutes out of your busy day to check me out. How may I serve you in some way? I always seek to add value to all my personal and professional relationships. I’d love to help you in some way. Make me prove it. Kev ”

Now, you may be thinking, “Really? You would type something like that?” Word for friggin word, my friend. And “friggin” isn’t a cuss word, it’s a New Jersey term of endearment.

People are seeking authenticity. Instead of pretending that eight-hundred pound elephant isn’t in the room, run up to it and hug it. They must have been looking at your profile for some reason. Let’s not pretend it didn’t happen.

Huge doors of opportunity swing on tiny hinges. Offer to help people. All the time. Those who serve the most lead the happiest and most profitable lives. It’s your time to shine.

Some people still tell me, “I’ll get connected to everyone and their brother on Social Media sites and the clouds will part and the money will fall out of heaven.”  They don’t say it in those exact words, but their intentions are clear.  They think that the number of connections, friends and followers they have is an indication of their future income.

Actually, it’s only a representation of the possibility of their future income.  And if I may be so bold, let’s take the income equation off the table.  Because if you add enough value to your connections, friends and followers then and only then will you be in a position to derive a steady income as a result of effective networking.  If connecting to a ton of people guarantees riches, shouldn’t everyone with a phone book be a millionaire?  Exactly.

Study people skills.  Break out your “How to Win Friends and Influence People” and become a black belt in relationships.  This is the irony of Social Networking.  No matter how many people you connect with, you can’t outrun your character.  People crave authenticity.  People are tired of the sales pitches.  I know that I am.

When the Social Media new car smell wears off…and it will wear off…the sharper folks will have figured out that everything’s changed and nothing’s changed.  Yes, we now have the ability to connect with far more people than ever before and in a more laser-like fashion, but at the end of the day nothing’s changed.

Because regardless of how sophisticated technology gets, people are people.  And all things being equal, people do business with and refer business to people they know, like and trust.  Only every time.

Yes, learn the bells and whistles of the Social Networking sites.  But double down on people skills.  Do this and you will never worry about your next job, where to find clients and how to add value to every relationship you have.  And that is a fun and profitable way to live.

When you buy a new car, there’s just something about that new car smell.  You just enjoy opening up the door and settling into your plush seat and breathing in that odor.  After a few years, you don’t really want to take too many whiffs of your old “new” car.  And at that point you’re more concerned about your car getting you from Point A to Point B and keeping the repair costs down.  It’s about the driving, not the smelling.

When you’re just starting to realize what you can do with Social Media, you enjoy turning on your computer, BlackBerry, iPhone, whatever, and checking into Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, YouTube and whatever other Social Media sites you participate on.  It’s the equivalent of the Social Media new car smell.  After you’ve learned some about Social Media, the new car smell wears off a bit.  Not completely, because they’re always creating new sites and new apps, but a bit.

And, I’m predicting that if you haven’t figured it out already, you will eventually figure out that it’s all about relationships.  How to build and enhance relationships.  It always has been and it always will be.  Relationships with your prospects, clients, friends, family, whoever.  Only if you want to succeed and have satisfaction in life.  I’m aware that that sounds very idealistic.  It’s not.  It’s as true as gravity.  People do business with and refer business to people they know, like, and trust.  Effectively using Social Media gives you the ability to create “Know, Like, Trust” relationships on a level that we couldn’t even have dreamed of not too many years ago.

So, are you breathing in deeply that new car smell, or are you smelling it in the background while you drive like a pro?  And by drive like a pro, I mean are you building and enhancing your relationships with all those Friends on Facebook, Connections on LinkedIn and Followers on Twitter?  Enjoy the smell for a little while when you get the car, but after that it’s all about driving well.

Remember the things we used to hear from our parents when we were kids, “Say please. Say thank you. If you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all.  If you keep making that face it’ll get stuck like that.”  Well. maybe you didn’t hear that last one in your house.

Our folks were right.  Common courtesy ain’t so common any more.  Matter of fact, it’s often as rare as a Kardashian sister using her library card.  Common courtesy makes human interaction go so much more smoothly.  It’s amazing to see what happens in conversations when we actually say please, thank you and apologize when we need to.

I bring this up because on Social Media platforms like LinkedIn, Facebook and Twitter it’s very common to see people telling you that you should “Like” their Fan Page, or retweet their tweets on Twitter.  Maybe it’s just me, but I feel like I’m being told what to do – and I don’t like that.  And I’m guessing that you don’t like being told what to do either.

I believe that these folks would get a much better response if they were to ask politely and use words like please and thank you.  Some will read this and think, “Kev, you such a softie.  That’s not how the world works.”  These are the people who need this message the most.  They just don’t know it.  And they have all the evidence to prove that they don’t know it.

Remember the things that our parents told us.  Say please.  Say thank you.  Don’t say anything if you don’t have something nice to say.  It’s the right thing to do, and ironically, it actually helps you accomplish your goals much faster at the same time.  Thank you.